I looked back at my blog and I don't think I ever even blogged about what happened in December of 2013 that carried through to January 2014 that started all this. It was incredibly difficult to go through and I think in large part to why I stopped blogging as much over the last year. This was supposed to be a family blog and a blog about our adoption journey. After beginning in August of 2010, 4 years and 5 months later that desire and the child we felt was waiting for us would never be ours.
I suppose I should go back to December of 2013. It was right after Christmas and we got and email from our agency alerting us that because of political changes in the government it was likely that Ethiopia was going to close down to international adoption. We were devastated, we were grieving, although they are different it was the same feelings of grieving from a miscarriage, we were losing a child we had longed for, and prayed for for years. We came home from Christmas to a closet with clothes in it and toys we had collected over the years for what would be our son one day.
As it turned out Ethiopia about a month later decided not to close but to drastically alter their process once again slowing things down even more. We still had confidence from our agency that they were still in it for the long haul and if something happened to their Ethiopia program it would be because Ethiopia chose it not them. So we continued to wait with hope that maybe someday we would still be able to complete our adoption.
I see all of that now as the Lord's way of preparing me for what would happen this week, so that when I got this news it didn't come as a surprise. I truly feel that when this happened a year ago I grieved the loss of our Ethiopian son. That is not to say that it wasn't devastating to have some finality to the end of our process and the end of adoption in Ethiopia this week but to say that I just know the Lord prepared me for this then.
Honestly we may never fully know why we were called to this process just to have it end with no child but we can say with full confidence that we followed the Lord's leading. It is hard to understand why when I can think of so many different times He gave us encouragement and affirmed to us that we were on the right path for it to end this way. Each time we had to make a decision we felt confident in what we should do, if there was a major decision to be made each time the Lord would work on Adam and I separately and then when we came together we were already on the same page, that even goes for deciding to have a biological child during this process. Does it make sense? No it doesn't. We do know how we were changed through this. We are different people than when we began. Our eyes have been opened and our hearts have been changed in unimaginable ways that I know would not be had we not gone through this. I know that He is faithful, it might not always look how I want it to but I know this is true, I have experienced it, I have clung to it.
So what does this mean for us you ask? Well one thing I feel like I should answer for all of you who have so faithfully encouraged us and supported us in prayer and financially over these last 4 years is that it is not lost on us. We fully intend to still adopt one day, that is beyond a shadow of a doubt true for us. We do not know at this point what that looks like. We will wait till after our biological son is born and we will wait and see how the Lord leads us, he knows our desire and I trust that is still in our future in some capacity.
For everyone who generously and sacrificially gave to us over the years that fund is still there. It will continue to be there untouched until our next adoption.
I truly can hardly put into words what the encouragement from our friends and family has meant to us. Our friends/family have cried with us, prayed with us, encouraged us, raised funds for us, believed on our behalf, and have just been Jesus to us in so many ways over the years. The beauty in that and the gospel displayed to us through that has changed us forever.
Above all we are heartbroken for all the children that will be left in orphanages with little to no hope. We hope and pray that Ethiopia will do what they can to improve their orphanages and their system to provide these children with a chance.
I struggled with what to title this post because it is the end of our journey in Ethiopia but not THE end of our adoption journey. Back in January of 2014 when all this was going on the Lord gave me this verse,
Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her.
I still believe that. I know that he is faithful and I know what he has promised to us, it may not look like what we think it does but I trust that if we follow him in obedience he will direct our path.